I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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