I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
