The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have fence marks all over my body
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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