would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
