You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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