I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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