then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Randomize
