you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
