You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
