Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
