I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
