fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
