The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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