if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
