I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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