Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
