All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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