i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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