ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
