Sry I called you an 8
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
