If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
