I bet he comes in French.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
