and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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