i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
