I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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