My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
