GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
