i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
