Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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