batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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