It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
