hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
