I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
