ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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