So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How does one acquire holy water?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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