im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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