I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
