i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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