Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she smelled like a LAN party
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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