On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
