Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
