dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Boobs are out for the taking
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
