Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
