Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
