I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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