is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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