He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
