TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
