its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
