How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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