i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
