I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
