I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you win again, gameday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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